Saturday, December 31, 2011

Office 101 (WTF!)

10.Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. BetWEEn , make sure you CARRY LOADS OF STUFF home with u at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.

9.Use computers to look busy-- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. When you get caught by your boss , the best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

8.Messy desk -- only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. PILE THEM HIGH AND WIDE.

7.Voice mail -- Never answer your phone if you have voice mail.Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, RESPOND DURING LUNCH HOUR when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

6.Look impatient and annoyed -- SOmetimes ,the one who always try to look IMPATIENT AND ANNOYED to give off the impression that you're always busy.

5.Leave the office late-- Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read. Make sure you WALK PAST the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mails at UNEARTHLY HOURS(i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

4.Creative sighing for effect -- SIGH LOUDLY when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

3.tacking strategy -- It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books ON THE FLOOR TOOO

2.Build vocabulary -- Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the JARGON AND QUOTES. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

1.MOSt imPOrtant -- DONT forWard this to your boss by mistake!

P/S: This' definitely not my work. Because I don't have to. XD Taken from one of the blogs I read whilst sipping honey milk on the last day of 2011